|
|
~I was afraid. He was back, he was drunk and he wasn't happy. I looked at him as he came through the front door of the house, and knew that for sure. He grabbed my arm and hauled me up off the bed, slapped me in the face, and threw me to the floor.
"Slut, get off you're a$$ and get me a beer."
I screamed from the pain, I tried to move, as fast as I could, but apparently it wasn't fast enough, because he grabbed my arm and hauled me back up off the floor. I fought him, screaming at him to stop it.~
"Lashana! What the hell? Baby wake up, its me, Steve."
I was kicking and screaming, pinned beneath him on the bed, but when I focused and realized it was him, I stopped. "Austin?" He pulled me against him, sitting up in the bed and held me tight.
"Baby, are you ok? Jesus, you scared the living daylights out of me. I was downstairs, talking to Glen and Storm, and I heard you screaming. When I tried to wake you up, you started kicking and screaming at me to stop. What the hell were you dreaming about."
I was breathing hard, and could still feel the fear and the anger from my dream. I held on to Austin, waiting for my breathing to return to normal. "Did you say you were talking to Glen and Storm?"
"Yeah, and Mark and Kanike are here also, but that's not important, what's important is that you are ok."
I smiled, and although it was genuine, it was weak, and he knew it. "I'm fine, and I do want to tell you all about it, but first let me get dressed and come downstairs, I'm sure that everyone is wondering what the commotion was all about."
He looked at me for a minute, concern written all over his face, and I kissed him lightly, letting him know that I really was ok. "All right, I'll go down and let them know that you're fine and will be down in a minute." He squeezed me tight against him once more, and kissed me before he headed back downstairs.
I sat in the bed for another minute or two, trying to shake the image of the man that I had seen in my dream. Then I went into my room to change into jeans and a t-shirt and headed downstairs in my sock feet. When I walked into the living room, everyone looked in my direction, and the "are you ok?" questions started immediately.
I smiled, and told them that yes, I was fine. I sat on the couch next to Austin, and he put his arm around me and pulled me up next to him. "Ok, baby, tell me what that nightmare was about."
I looked at him, and then at the faces around the room trying to decide where to start, "Well, I…it's kind of a weird dream, I don't remember a whole lot of it." Storm smiled at me across the room, "Just tell us what you do remember."
"I remember a room, and I was laying on a bed. It was almost as if I were sick, or I don't really know, it just felt weird. The man came in, I could tell he was drunk, and I was afraid." Steve's arm tightened around me and I took a deep breath, trying to calm the fear that was rising as I remembered and related the dream. "He…he grabbed my arm, and hit me, called me some names, and threw me on the floor. I remember screaming…then he reached for me again, and I started fighting him. " I looked at Steve, "that must have been when you tried to wake me up. That's it, that's all I remember."
Glen leaned forward in his seat, propped his head on his hands and looked at me. "Lashana, did you recognize the man in your nightmare?"
I looked at Glen, my eyes got wide, as the realization dawned on me, "Oh, God…it was him."
"It was who? Lashana, what are you talking about." Steve was confused, looking around the room, and then I realized that I had forgotten to say anything to him about the man at the bar the previous night.
Storm looked at Steve, a little confused, "The man at the bar…the one who was staring at her when you all were getting ready to leave. Lashana, didn't you tell him last night when you got home?"
I could feel the blush rising up my neck and suffusing my face, "He…we….I, uh…was a little distracted when we got home last night. I forgot." That brought a chuckle from everyone in the room, including Steve, until I gave him a dirty look. Then he laughed out loud and kissed me on top of my head.
"Ok, so tell me about this man at the bar…" I looked at him and thought about the evening before.
"Actually, there's a little more to this story than just the man at the bar, and I didn't even think about it until just now." I looked at Steve, "Do you remember when we were coming off the dance floor, and I stopped to look behind me?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, I stopped because I heard a voice that struck some memory chord in my brain."
"What did you hear?" That question had come from Kanike, who was totally engrossed in trying to solve this mystery. I looked across the room at her and grimaced, "I heard someone say , 'F*cking Slut.'." She and Storm both looked shocked, and I could see the tension building in Glen and Mark and feel it in Steve.
"I blew it off, because, there were so many people there and it could have been anybody talking to anyone else, but last night, in my nightmare, I heard the same voice, calling me the same name…I don't know, maybe I'm just losing my mind."
"What else happened…" Steve was getting worked up, and I knew he wouldn't like the rest of this story, but I felt the need to get it out, and I knew that they wouldn't let me stop until I had finished it.
I settled in a little closer to Steve, trying to keep him calm, and went on, "The rest of the night was uneventful, all the way until we decided to leave. You were talking to a fan, and when I stood up to walk around the table, I noticed a man, sitting at the end of the bar, staring at me. There was something about him that was familiar, and frightening, he just kept staring at me…"
Glen took over the story at that point, "I noticed that Lashana looked a little odd, and when I followed her line of sight, I saw a man, with dark hair, cut short, staring at her. I don't mind saying he looked evil. I was going to go and say something to him, but a crowed cut off my line on him and when they moved he was gone."
Steve looked at me, and then back at Glen, "Why didn't you say anything to me?"
"I asked him not to, Steve, I wanted to talk to you after we got home. I didn't want to ruin another night out with you."
"Steve, trust me man, if he hadn't left when I stood up, I would have said something, but since he was gone, I figured it wouldn't hurt for Lashana to tell you about it this morning."
Mark had been watching my face when Glen made that comment, and noticed me cringe when he said that the man was gone. "What else, Lashana, that's not all there is to it is there?"
Steve looked at Mark, and then back at me, "Lashana?"
"Well, like Glen said, the man disappeared when the crowd moved, and I thought he had gone too."
"Thought he had gone?" Glen, Mark and Steve all said at the same time.
"Yeah, well, when we were walking out the door, I saw him again, leaning against the bar. He didn't say anything, but he winked at me and raised his glass, almost as if he were toasting me. His smile was so evil it sent a chill right down my spine…"
"I remember you shivering, but I thought you were cold." Steve looked upset, and I wasn't sure if it was because he had missed the problem, or because someone had frightened me, but in either case, I felt bad. "Steve, its not your fault. I feel horrible for dumping all of my problems on you all the time. Sometimes I think it would be better for everyone if I just left."
Steve reacted to that statement almost immediately, "Don't you even think about it. I don't know what's going on, and we may never really know what happened, but I do know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and if you walked out on me, I'd just have to come and find you to bring you back. I love you too much to let you go."
I rested my head on his chest and took a deep breath, "All right, I promise, I won't leave. I just wish I could have a normal life, without having to watch over my shoulder every time I walk out the front door."
Storm and Kanike had both been pretty quiet up to this point, so I was a little surprised when Storm piped in, "Uh, guys there's something you all may not have thought of. IF that guy in the bar had anything to do with Lashana being beaten and left on the side of the road, then he knows she's here in Texas, and he knows that she's alive. It may not be safe for her to stay here while we are on the road with the show for the next couple of weeks."
Steve shook his head, "You're right, Storm, if he's here, then I certainly can't leave her here alone for weeks on end while I'm traveling." He looked at me and took my hand, "Baby, how would you feel about traveling with me?"
I looked at him, pondering that question, "Well, I don't know Steve, I wouldn't want to be in the way. I don't want to distract you from your work."
Mark and Glen both laughed, and I looked at them wondering what they found so funny. "The rattlesnake over there was more distracted being away from you, than he could ever be with you on the road with him. At least this way he wont have to miss you AND worry about your safety too." Everyone seemed to be in agreement with Mark about that, and I looked at Steve.
"Are you sure you want to do this? I'm sure I can find someplace else to go where I will be safe." I felt his arm tighten around my shoulders, pulling me up against him. "Baby, there is no place else that I would rather have you than with me on the road. So, what do you say? Will you go on the road with me?"
I smiled at him, leaned up and kissed him, "Yes…"
We had been on the road for several weeks, and I was finally beginning to settle in to life with no memory. I hadn't had any significant memories since we left the morning after I saw the man in the bar, just a sporadic realization here and there that I knew something, or liked something, or in the case of sweet potatoes, really didn't like something.
My relationship with Steve had really begun to develop, and although we shared the same bed every night, he respected the fact that I was not yet ready to take our relationship to a more intimate level. The one or two times we had nearly crossed the line, I ended up paniced and in tears. Steve still watched me like a hawk, wanting to make sure that nothing and no one upset me, and it was nice to know how much he loved me. Most of the other guys treated me, as they did most of the other women that traveled with them, like a little sister. They were always around to tease or play with, and if there was trouble, you could count on the fact that there would be six or seven really large men there to help if the need arose.
I still had no memory at all of my family or my past, and because it had been nearly 6 months since "the event" as everyone referred to it, I was beginning to give up on ever remembering anything.
Steve's cell phone rang, and I reached over to pick it up. Steve had gone to the hotel dining room, to grab some food for us, and I was comfortably settled, reading a romance novel, which I had discovered a few weeks ago was one of my favorite past times.
"Hello?"
"Hi, this is detective Warez, of the Houston Police Dept. Is this Lashana?"
My heart pounded as he identified himself. This was the detective who had been searching the missing persons reports across the country trying to find anything that might lead me to my past. "Yes, this is Lashana. How are you detective?"
"I'm fine, Ma'am, but I have some bad news. We've searched every database across the country, and we've found nothing that has panned out for you. The police department has decided to close the case and stop the search, due to the length of time, and the lack of leads. I'm very sorry."
I closed my eyes, tears starting to build behind them, and took a deep breath, "I understand. You all have other more pressing issues to deal with, I'm sure. Thank you for your efforts."
"You're welcome, ma'am, and once again, I'm very sorry." I heard the click as he hung up the phone, and I put the receiver back down on its cradle. I lay down on the bed, my book forgotten and cried for the first time in months. My heart was broken and I was suffering the most severe disappointment in my memory. I don't know how long I lay there crying, and I don't remember hearing Steve come in the door, but I do remember the relief I felt when he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him.
"Baby? Hey, what's the matter? Shhh, it's all right, whatever happened, we'll find a way to fix it." He had curled me up in his lap and was stroking my hair, while I cried silently against his shoulder. I cried for a few more minutes, struggling to get control of myself, and when my tears had subsided, I leaned back and looked at him.
He reached out with his thumb and wiped the tears from my eyes, "You ok now? Want to tell me what happened?"
I looked at him, gave him a weak smile and took a deep breath. "Detective Warez called from Houston a little while ago. They weren't able to find anything and have decided to close the case. I guess I was a little disappointed, I was hoping they might find something that would trigger my memory."
Steve squeezed me tight and kissed the top of my head, "I'm sorry baby. I know you were counting on that, but we'll find something, I promise. You never know what might happen."
I kissed his cheek and stood up off the bed, pacing around the room as thoughts started running through my head and my emotions changed from pain and loss to anger. "You know, I'm not sure I want to remember anymore."
He looked at me, shocked at the statement, "WHAT?"
I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him, "Well, think about it. If you were me, and you had been missing for at least six months, probably longer and your 'family' didn't even file a missing persons report, would YOU want to remember them? I mean, really, what kind of family must I have had to be able to vanish off the face of the earth and have NO ONE miss me?"
The look that crossed his face was a mixture of understanding, concern and love when he heard my reasoning. "Baby, look, I understand that you are hurt, but remember that we don't know the circumstances behind 'the event', and until we do, we can't make any assumptions about anyone or anything in your past."
"Yeah, I guess your right. I really don't want to talk about this anymore, what'd you bring me for lunch?" He smiled and pulled a sandwich, salad and coke out of the bag, as well as one for himself. We sat in the middle of the bed, eating lunch and talking about the event this evening.
"Hey, don't you have to be at the arena in twenty minutes for the pre-show meeting?" I looked at the clock and at Steve. I knew that he would be able to make it on time, if he left now, because we were only two blocks from the arena.
"Yep, its time to go, so why don't you grab your coat and we'll get moving." I looked at him and smiled.
"Baby, I still want to jump in the shower, I've been laying around here reading most of the morning, and I think I'd feel better. Why don't you go ahead and walk over and I'll meet you there in about an hour." He looked at me, and I could tell he didn't want me to go by myself, but there was really no option, so he kissed me and smiled.
"Just be careful walking over there. It's cold and getting dark."
I smiled, "I'll be just fine, quit worrying about me." I kissed him goodbye, he grabbed his bag and headed out the door to the arena. I jumped into the shower, wanting to get ready and head out before it got too much later. I wasn't fond of the idea of walking in the cold and the dark in Chicago. I had just stepped out of the shower, when I heard the phone ringing again.
"Hello?" There was silence on the other end of the line, and I waited a minute or two for someone to respond?
"Hello…" I tried again, and got no answer, "Good bye!" I hung up the phone, wondering who would have Steve's cell phone number and not speak when I answered the phone. I shook my head, figuring it was a wrong number, and finished getting dressed. I grabbed my coat and gloves, slipping them on as I rode the elevator to the first floor of the hotel. It was dark outside, and I took a deep breath, stamping down the momentary panic that I always felt when I was faced with being alone in the dark.
~Get ahold of yourself…there's no reason to panic, it's the same out there in the dark as it is in the light.~ I continued talking to myself, as I headed out the door and down the sidewalk toward the arena. I heard footsteps behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see who was there. I knew I was far enough away from the arena that there was potential danger, and I wanted to keep track of my surroundings. I didn't see anyone who appeared to be menacing, but I quickened my steps nonetheless.
I was just passing an alley, when I felt a hand grab my arm and yank me inside. I started to scream, and my captor slapped his hand over my mouth. I was struggling and fighting against him, until I heard his voice in my ear.
"B**ch, you think your hot shit hanging out with those wrestlers, don't ya! Well, let me tell you something, you keep your mouth shut about what happened, or your days are numbered." I knew that voice, just as surely as I knew my own, and in the breath of an instant, I caught a flash of memory. A memory of a hotel room and two men abusing me in ways I never imagined were possible. I felt the bile rise in my throat and I felt the anger building inside me, just as my captor slammed me against the wall in the alley and took off down the street. I sank to the ground, with my arms wrapped around my knees, trying to calm myself.
When I remembered where I was, I stood up, walked out of the alley, and ran to the back entrance of the arena. Jim Dotson, head of security was standing at the door, and saw me running toward him. He knew something was definitly wrong, when I didn't stop until I was safely inside the arena doors.
"Lashana, what's the matter? Are you ok?" I was doubled over, trying to catch my breath from the two block sprint I had just made, I could feel my body shaking, and all I could think of was Steve. I needed to find Steve. When I looked up, I was surrounded, Jim, his girlfriend Icey, Test, Hunter and Leah, and the New Age Outlaws were all waiting for me to answer Jim.
"I…uh..yeah, I'm fine now. There was this guy…he…well…"
"What Guy?" I looked over my shoulder and saw Glen and Mark standing behind me. "Lashana did someone do something to you?"
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and walked over to them. "Where is Steve? I really need to see him right now."
"I'm right here baby, what's all the commotion about?" I turned around, and the moment I saw him, I felt the panic I had been feeling subside. I wrapped my arms around him, and he held me against him. "Baby? What's the matter, you're shaking like a leaf."
"She said something about some guy, but didn't finish what she was saying." Mark had relayed that information, and I felt Steve tense up against me and he leaned back to look at me. "Lashana, what happened?"
"Not here, lets go sit down somewhere and I'll tell you what happened." He led me to his dressing room, and the rest of the crowd dissipated when the excitement was over. We sat down on the couch, and he looked at me.
"Ok, what the hell happened to get you so upset?"
"Well, there was this alley, and I…well, this guy grabbed me and pushed me against the wall….and well, he said some things, but it wasn't what he said, as much as his voice, and I remembered something, and he was gone and I panicked….." I knew I wasn't making much sense, and I could tell looking at Steve that he was getting upset, and I felt bad, knowing that he still had to work.
"Who, slow down here a minute. Some guy grabbed you and pulled you into an alley?"
"Yes, and I tried to scream but he had his hand over my mouth and he was to big for me to fight, but I tried, I really did."
He pulled me against him, hearing the panic welling up in my voice, "Shhh, I know baby, it's ok…what did he say? Did he do anything else?"
I felt a chill run down my spine and I shivered in reaction, "He told me that my days were numbered if I didn't keep my mouth shut about what happened, then he slammed me against the wall and took off down the street."
He looked at me, "Christ. It had to have been the SOB that beat you up…how the hell did he find you? He must not know that you have amnesia and don't remember anything."
"Well…that's not exactly true anymore…I, well, his voice…it triggered a memory of sorts." I could feel the nausea rising again at the thought of the image in my head, and I took a deep breath, trying to stop the rolling of my stomach. Steve was watching me closely, and I could see the concern etched in his face.
"Lashana, you're white as a sheet, what did you remember? What did that SOB do?"
"He…they…oh, god, Steve…I know why I panic when you try to make love to me…I was raped, repeatedly, and one of the men that did it was the man that pulled me into that alley."
"S*N*FAB**CH!." He shouted that expletive, startling me, and I jumped. There was a knock at the door, and Storm, Kanike and Leah all came in, followed by Glen Mark and Hunter.
"Steve? Is everything ok? We heard you yelling, and wanted to see if there was anything we could do." Storm was sitting on the couch beside us, and she had her hand on my back. I had finally stopped shaking, and sat up to see who had come in the room.
"Storm, can you take care of her for me for a minute? I need to walk off some of this anger, I'm gonna kill that bastard when I get my hands on him." He stood up and Kanike sat in his place on the couch, both of them watching me, wondering what had happened and who Steve was talking about. The men all left the room, and I heard a round of cussing and flying objects as he vented his anger on anything he could get his hands on.
Kanike looked at me, "Lashana? What the hell happened…I've never seen him like that, he looked like he really wanted to kill somebody."
I looked around the room at the women who had become such dear friends in such a short time. "I, well, I was attacked on my way over from the hotel. This guy grabbed me and pulled me into an alley."
Leah sat down on the chair in front of me and took my hands, "Lashana, that must have been awful, are you ok? Did he hurt you?"
"No, he didn't really hurt me, and I'm sure that wasn't his intention. He wanted to scare me…you see, it was the same guy who beat me all those months ago. The memory clicked the minute I heard his voice."
Steve, Mark, Glen and Hunter all walked back into the room a few moments later, and although he was a lot calmer, I could tell he was still angry. He sat down on the couch and ran his hand down the back of his neck, a reflex reaction that was a tell tale sign of stress and tension for him. The girls all got up and left the room, figuring that we needed some time along, and I sat there watching him, wondering what was going on in his mind.
I folded my hands in my lap, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him, and fighting the need to have his arms around me. I felt dirty and guilty, and I knew that there was no future for us. Tears ran down my face when I started talking.
"Steve, I understand you are angry. I've given you so much to deal with in the last few months, and you've taken it all, and given me so much in return, but this is different. What happened to me in that hotel room all those months ago, its something that I would never expect anyone else to have to deal with, I understand if you hate me. Please understand that I'm so sorry, and I do love you, no matter what…"
I didn't get to finish the sentence, because he had grabbed me and kissed me to stop the flow of words. When he finally pulled back from me, ending the kiss, he pulled me against his chest and held me there for a few minutes. I could hear his heart beat, and I felt safe and secure in his arms, but it was painful to me because I was so unsure of the future, and whether or not this would be the last time I would feel those arms around me. He leaned back and forced me to look at him when he spoke,
"Lashana, baby, I love you, and what happened to you doesn't change that. I'm angry yes, but not at you, I'm angry at the bastards that dared to hurt you like that, and if I EVER get my hands on them I'll rip their heads off and stuff them down their throats. You have nothing to apologize for, there was nothing you could have done, and it was NOT your fault."
Listening to him tell me these things gave me a sense of relief that was unbelievable and when he pulled me back into his arms, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. We sat there, just holding each other for a few more minutes, until the knock came on the door, letting us know that Steve was due in the ring soon. He kissed me once more, and after tightening his knee brace headed out the door and down to the ring.
After the show, several of us decided to go out for the evening and have some fun. I was definitely in need of a good time out, so when Steve asked if I was in the mood, I gave him an emphatic "YES!"
He smiled and took my hand as we headed out the door. The crowds outside the arena were massive, and I know that Steve was thinking about the fact that somewhere out there could be the men who had hurt me. He pulled me against his side, and I noticed that several of the other wrestlers had moved around us, enclosing me in a wall of men. I looked up at Steve, wondering if he had anything to do with this show of protection, and he just looked down and smiled at me.
We got to the hotel with little trouble, and headed upstairs to change before we went out. We were planning to go to a dance club, so I grabbed my black leather pants and a cropped sweater, slipped on my boots and touched up my hair. It was one of Steve's favorite outfits, and I really wanted him to have a good time. There had been way too much stress in our lives up to this point, and I planned for this to be a special night.
I walked back into the room, and Steve grinned from ear to ear when he saw me. "Baby, I love the way those pant look on you. I think that was one of the best things I ever bought you." He walked over and ran his thumb across the bare skin that showed between the cropped sweater and the pants, causing a shiver of pure pleasure to run down my spine. He chuckled, grabbed my hand and dragged me out the door behind him.
I was laughing all the way to the elevator, "Hey, what's the rush, where's the fire?"
Steve pulled me against him in the elevator, wrapped his arms around me from behind and chuckled, "Baby, if we don't get really far away from that bed, we won't make it out tonight!" He rested his chin on the top of my head and I giggled, feeling stressfree and relaxed for the first time since the attack that afternoon. We got off the elevator and were met by the normal crew of Storm, Glen, Kanike, Mark, Leah and Hunter, but apparently the rest of DX had decided to join us as well and we all headed out to find a place to party.
We danced and laughed most of the night, and I managed to completely forget the chaos that had started the evening. Kanike, Leah had headed to the ladies room, and the rest of us were sitting at the table chatting and laughing, watching the people on the dance floor. As they came out of the ladies room, I noticed that they were detained by some rather drunk men with some serious ego issues.
